Unbelievable

Your love is unbelievable
Your love is unconditional
It never spares no pain, it always stays the same
Your love is unbelievable
Your love is unconditional
It never spares no pain
Your love lifted me when nothing else could help
Your love lifted me when nothing else could help

Should I Be Concerned?

Should I have been concerned a long time ago?
Coming swiftly upon a year of unemployment.
That's 1 year. 365 days of uninterupted unpaid leisure.
Which would be all good if I were independently wealthy
But I am independently in debt
Which I could be thankful for, it not straining a relationship I am trying to be in
But 1/3 of my life is gone and what do I have to show for it, and will I be spending the next 1/3 correcting the errors of my youth?
On day 366 perhaps I will discuss what I've learned these last 365 days
But today it is quite unnerving to consider where I still sit professionally, which is no where.
This weekend I volunteered, which is the closest thing to work I've done in a while, and some one asked " do you have a degree for this type of thing?" Initially I thought no, but then realized I did have a telecommunications degree, I just use other aspects of my education when I am working. Another asked "what do you do?" I said nothing, I am quite at my leisure. I'll have to explain later what I was up to in entirety, but I just wanted to update that I am yet unemployed and yet pissed about it.

H.A.L.T.

I heard this acronym months after the fact...

Never make a decision when you are

Hungry

Angry

Lonely

Tired

I think when I decided to resign from my position last year they caught me on at least three of these. Hungry, cause it was morning and while not a breakfast person. Lonely, that is obvious - 1000 miles from family and friends, miles from the nearest black person, oh and chronically single, and Tired cause my flight was delayed the day before and I still had to drive like 2 hours home from that airport so I almost didn't go to work that morning. But I remembered they were coming, but didn't know they had additional business to discuss.

My heart and head where already gone though, but they made me Angry with the discussion, not because what was being said was untrue, but because there was really no place to go with it, they offered no resolution that was beneficial for me, so that is all four. I think they would've accepted me staying, but being mad to be there, because my leaving made them 2 for 2 in the eyes of the client and their superiors for picking folk to be at that location. It really ought to have made everyone (agency, client, department/team) check themselves, I know I checked me and am still checking me. When HR asked me how to get someone else up that way, I said frankly yanno the client sucks in all the local talent, but you need to find someone local or settled personally - maybe kids or newly married that will think twice about jetting on yall.

Thru the grapevine I hear my sister has a new job and I see her position posted online. I'd apply but I know she was not getting paid much and working very hard. Curious to see where she is going. Another friend finally got called to another position within her company, she want me to call her but I'm jaded so I'll holla at her Nov 1 once she is making a move. I'm jaded, yanno, before I was eager to see her make the transition but today I can't be bothered. I have more applications to fill out for hourly positions that won't hire me.

Meanwhile, I am only getting phone interviews on out of city gigs - have another on friday, got shot down today on sub teaching - I mean did I really want it, no but yanno I got clean background so what the deal. I have another phone interview Friday and I still have not been called back by an interview in August, or the folks a couple weeks ago. Not even the corporate email.

Of course there was Friday's issue, I still have not thanked them for their time.

And I dunno

I guess I'm not going to Memphis in a couple weeks and I'll spend the holiday wrapping gifts

And new year is just around the corner....

Intervieux Faux Paux

I know yu HR managers and recruiters are feeling yourselves right now with all the available candidates to choose from at your beck and call, but really, let's have some class about ourselves.
Why did I just leave an interview and feel they were more interested in my previous company - since they deal with them - than me?
Is this what the industry is coming to? Bad form.
I would've told you about my experience for the asking, but I guess they didn't want to outright say we're not sure if your experience translates, but can we ask you 'what the motivation is' with this other company??? And the blanketed, if you've not heard back by this date go ahead an assume we've hired someone or are still looking (its still not you....)
Uh huh.... Would I be wrong to call them on it in my "Thank you" correspondence? I should've thrown back on them, now see I know xyz company (competitor) handles things this way....But I was taught to be a professional and have INTEGRITY... I can't buy an Amen right now...
Suppose to hear back about 2nd interviews by today on another position...after 5 their local time and no call or email. They will get a shout on Monday, hope I am not getting dissed, this is the position I really prefer.
Got one of those email inspirational letters, so I decided to take a cue and ask the original sender (as far as I could see) who worked for a company I admired about job openings, and specifically where she worked.
She directed me to the company website.
Look, I know you don't know me from adam, so stop sending my friend junk to forward to me and I won't talk back.
The days of my life....

What I miss most....2

The weather is changing
How nice, though today is raining steady showers, then cloud burst. I looked to the skies today and saw them rolling in...another day...
I've been going thru my winter clothes and putting away the summer things. I forgot I had all these things, but I guess when they've spent half the year in storage its easy to loose track.
I miss my own closets, my own bed, sheets and pillows. I would be swapping to the jersey knit now, which are warm to the skin when you jump in bed and settle in.
I miss my DVR and watching the programs it recorded for me all day. IMNTBHO there is no reason to have cable/dish and not a DVR in 2009. You can't watch all those channels, nor do you want to. I know what I want to see, thank you for the schedules, let me program them in and get to business.
I miss cooking, in my own kitchen, with my own cookware. I have quite a collection of stainless steel cooking tools, and recently visited Macy's to see if there is some new business I need to get. Saw a chicken fryer skillet, just looked like a deep skillet to me. My understanding is that cast iron is still the best way to go, and I have 3 - that are uncured though - after 4 years or so. I want to get another multipot (my sister stole and ruined my original one) and a bamboo steamer. It is chili time, and I am going to be wanting some of that soon fo sho...And caramel cake, all my good bowls, mixers, boilers, and pans - in storage. Cause its about to be holiday time...
I miss sitting under my hair bonnet to deep condition and then dry my hair. The blow dryer is fine but I haven't had a good roller set in months, unless I do it in the evening where it can dry all night - optional but not the same.
I miss not having to, or rather, people feeling like I have to talk to them everyday. Especially when I am not in the mood, but even when I am not. Like, you have not done enough talking today? You haven't said all that needs to be said? Must be me being use to living alone and not having anyone to talk to, and them not being my choice for conversation.
I HATE when people start talking, and you ask them to save it for another time, you want to meditate in peace. Or you tell them someone else may be better suited for the conversation. Instead of respecting your request, they continue talking into the atmosphere, because if you're in ear shot you will hear it.
Then trip even if you did hear it but choose to ignore the childish banter because you said, in the most pleasant inside voice that you were not interested a long time ago.
Freedom of speech is guaranteed by the constitution, the right to be heard must be earned.
I hate working people trying to ask about what I've been doing. If you don't have a person for me to call today and get hired in my dream job

I MISS MY INDEPENDENCE

I was thinking today, hoping God would have mercy on me TODAY because I am quite at my limit, I mean going any further could produce a violent response, I mean I am just there in my mind - I want to tear something up. I generally don't throw fits when I am frustrated or angry, don't break things because it'll generally be something I need. Whats the point?? The wall, glass, table, door didn't do anything.
It sounds quite worldly, which is shocking, but though I am learning to do with less - I don't want to and I can't understand why. I don't fall for the prosperity gospel but the gospel of self sufficiency is what I have lived by. Especially when people are sometimey and have their own expectations and are not sharers. I kind of like the default I definitely can't participate cause I have no cash, gas, space, but I could've said no with 1 million dollars and plenty of time on my hands.
I was thinking about people in the Bible who lost things or things that were taken away, or when people are taken from something to something. I remembered God has never given back exactly what you had. In my mind I see myself back in my duplex or back living and working here and there, time going back to a poor decision and being able to make a different choice so that this present does not exist.
But that has never happened and it never will.
Yanno, I'm sure Job missed his first set of kids, flocks, and homes, but God gave him more and better. Double for your trouble. David had sinned and the son died, but Jesus is still the seed of David. So with the present and future, God can make things right. I have to believe that God is preparing me something better, and to move me to a new place.

Hoping on Hope

CHALLENGES

I expected times like this - but I never thought they'd be so bad, so long, and so frequent.

Tell me about it....and yet you still find the strength to go on and keep trying. How is that?

Waiting for my new phone to arrive, and a new number which will not be very convenient. But it is what it is and what would be done. I am grateful.

I really want some pizza. A week or 2 ago I had a craving, went to nasty Cici's instead of GattiLand trying to save money. Cici's is where you can take the kids if you don't want to end up spending another $50 on tokens for games. All they have is an arcade. But the food is naaaaaasty, they don't turn over the bar enough to keep it fresh, plus the sanitation was questionable too. I was soooooo like should've spent the extra $2-3 for Gatti. Or walked the bar before I paid. I've decided to attend a church coffee sip tomorrow and guess I'll just have to make due with some Lasagna.

The weather is saying its definitely Fall, my most favourite time of the year and I am praying for a miracle. I want to be in Memphis in November but my funds say NO. But the Lord is speaking to me so I am going with the flow and ask him for his help and protection.

Cause I am also trying to work thru some the things I have been observing and experiencing since the spring, spiritually. I want to say I can't believe this is happening right before my eyes.... but then I know I knew it was coming, just not right now I guess. I feel like Shante' in Two Can Play This Game: I did not think my life would be the subject of todays lesson.

But why not?

So with that thought in mind, again I have to go to the Lord. It still hurts to be separated from those you love and care about a grew from and with, but I think I am getting strong enough to walk away from the situation and those that remain. So as not to be fighting against the will of the Lord, and prophecy of old I watch and take note, thanking God for everything and everyday.

Not feeling very special....

I NEED A RIGHT NOW BLESSING!